so i’m at the doctor’s again and i see a notecard on the reception desk that asks in bright red ink, Do you want to live forever?
finally, i think, finally i’m at the start of a vampire novel. i don’t actually want to live forever, but i’m not about to turn down a call to adventure like that. i try to flip the card over as inconspicuously as possible.
the other side contains a bible verse about keeping jesus in your heart.
i hate living in the south.
ah yes the age-old struggle of “is this vampires or jesus”
other people’s “summer body”: thick, healthy, muscles from working out
my “summer body”: bones.
1. Imagine the boys staring at you.
2. Imagine wearing their hoodies, and looking so small and cute.
3. Imagine the girls being jealous, and asking how you’re so skinny.
4. Imagine the teachers watching you with worry.
5. Imagine people hugging you tightly, and lifting you off your feet.
6. Imagine boys picking you up, and it’s easy, because you’re so light.
7. Imagine being at the beach looking stunning in a bikini.
8. Imagine holding a mug of tea in your small dainty hands.
9. Imagine being with friends on your cheat day (which is allowed, obviously), and eating Pizza, and they’re wondering how you’re so skinny.
10. Imagine you’re hipbones, collarbones and ribs sticking out slightly.
11. Imagine the Halloween costumes you could pull off!
12. Imagine the oversized Christmas jumpers you’d look cute in.
13. Imagine the lace panties you would look amazing in.
14. Imagine holding hands with someone, and feeling so small and safe.
15. Imagine looking skinny and beautiful in nothing but a tracksuit, wooly socks and a hoodie.
16. Imagine looking adorable in a onesie.
17. Imagine baking cookies, and not
feeling guilty, because you’re so skinny now.
18. Imagine how fun clothe shopping will be!
19. Imagine taking selfies with your friends when you’re trying on clothes.
20. And imagine the dresses and skirts you could wear.
21. Not to mention the crop tops!
22. You’d look amazing in a turtle neck sweater.
23. And any hairstyle would look amazing on you.
24. Imagine getting texts from guys, and having loads of guy best friends.
25. Imagine finally being good enough.
26. Imagine looking in the mirror and feeling happy.
27. Imagine sitting down and feeling confident.
28. Imagine being able to order food and not feel like people are judging you.
29. And imagine being happy.
30. Just, imagine being skinny.
Read this when you think about binging or giving up. I believe in you.
Imagine if…
There was like this fake summer camp thing that was totally free and you get to go off, away from your parents, family & friends and meet up with a bunch of other people with Ana and Ed’s. You would spend weeks together and we would all motivate eachother and share thinspo and make real life Ana buddies. We would be able to fast in peace and not worry about having to hide it. Imagine the look on everyone’s face when you come back, have lost 20kg and you’re boney as hell… omg that’d be fantastic.
It’s summer, you’ve put on your floral little dress that fits perfect on you, it shows off you tiny collarbones, flat stomach, small shoulders. You top that outfit off with flats that make you look like a ballerina and you skip over to your boyfriend. He lifts you up effortlessly and kisses you on the cheek. You smile and all the other girls envy you, they want your body. So put the food down, drink a bottle of water, and think of how pretty you’ll be when you’re thin.
I plan on having an underweight bmi!! I will not quit
!!!
My reasons to keep going
5 Months Left
5 months until summer
5 months to reach your UGW
5 months to be thin and beautiful
5 months to wear whatever you want
5 months to confidence and carefree smiles
5 months to collarbones and thigh gaps
5 months to see the scale go down
5 months to become who you want to be
5 months of control
5 months of willpower
5 months of whispered “Did she lose weight?”
5 months until bathing suits and sunny days
5 months until summer
5 months left
Lose at least 20 lbs. by summer
No breakfast
Fast more
No snacks
Never more than 1000 calls a day
Weigh myself and record my weight weekly
